Ah, friendship. Few relationships in life are as simple, rewarding, and satisfying as a close friendship. Unless, of course, a friendship has currents of underlying sexual tension, drama, or secrets to up the emotional ante. And what good friendship doesn’t?!
I keep my friends close, and my enemies closer, on the advice of Machiavelli. Now that frenemy, unfriend, defriend, and friend zone are all common English language references, can we say that friendship actually changed over the centuries, and is fundamentally different now than in other eras?
To answer this, as with all deep questions, we turn to classic literature. What can the masters teach us about the age-old search for kindred spirits and collaboration?
Hamlet and Horatio
Part of me questions whether Hamlet is really capable of true friendship. His friend Horatio sometimes seems written in by
Shakespeare just to give Hamlet someone – other than himself and dead guys – to talk to.
That said, the mutual admiration that the two friends feel for one another really comes through in their dialogue. Hamlet sees in Horatio all the patience and logic that he himself lacks. Meanwhile, as Hamlet dies, Horatio mourns him so deeply that he considers throwing himself on his sword to join Hamlet in death. Then… Horatio changes his mind, so Hamlet is essentially abandoned in his final moments. Poor Hamlet.
Lesson: You can be friends without making the ultimate sacrifice. Finding your boundaries is essential in friendship.
Damon and Pythias are probably the best friends in all history. Pythias was accused of plotting against a tyrant, and sentenced to death. He pleaded to be able to go home and say farewell to his family and put his affairs in order. The tyrant balked until Damon stepped forward and offered to take Pythias’s place if he did not return by a given date. Damon literally put his head on the chopping block for his friend, and trusted in his friend so much that he was willing to risk his life.
When Pythias’s ship was attacked by pirates and he did not return, Damon was still willing to die for his friend. Pythias swooped in at the last moment, explained what happened, and their true friendship impressed everyone so much that their lives were spared.
Lesson: Being a loyal, selfless friend will come back to you in spades.
Quincey and Lucy
Quincey, a rough and tumble Texas adventurer—wants to marry Lucy, along with everyone else in
Bram Stoker’s Dracula. Lucy, however, is changeable and falls out of love with Quincey. When she tells him her affections have wandered and ultimately “friend zones” him, Quincey answers:
“Little girl, your honesty and pluck have made me a friend, and that’s rarer than a lover, it’s more selfish anyhow. My dear, I’m going to have a pretty lonely walk between this and Kingdom Come. Won’t you give me one kiss?”
Lesson: Friendship, in the turmoil of love affairs, becomes a sacred island. Also, if you can convince your friend to give you a kiss, you’re one smooth-talking Texan.
Is this the most tragic friendship of all time? Jane Eyre, orphaned at age 10 goes to live with her “loving” aunt and cousins. Spoiler: they’re not loving. Then, she goes to Lowood School, where she befriends a sweet little gal named Helen. Jane searched long and hard for a kindred spirit, and when she finds Helen, Reader, we feel such relief that maybe she’s not all alone in the world. Maybe there’s hope?
Damn you, typhus. The search continues.
Lesson: Don’t give up on finding friendship. Sometimes things don’t work out, but if you just keep looking for connection you will—eventually—find it.
Victorian formality may have prevented Holmes and Watson from long, flowery passages expressing their deep bond of friendship, but make no mistake: total bromance. Once in a while, Sherlock will mutter something about Watson’s having been “invaluable” to the case, and Watson occasionally will bro out with a comment about Sherlock’s “swift intuition” and “rapid deductions.”
Lesson: You don’t have to go overboard with singing the praises of someone you consider a true friend. You can simply be sincere and just enjoy one another’s company.
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